Recently, I noticed the view I have of myself often differs from other people’s view of me. I even ask them to expound on what they are using as a criteria for judging me as being out of sync with their reality of me. Often these people lose their ability to articulate at this point and begin to babble on about my shortcomings.

The most recent contretemps occurred when on a date with a handsome, older gentleman. 

Actually, he was my age, but since my real age doesn’t fit with my view of me, I wave any discussion aside of our keeping each other company in our old age. Yes, he actually used these very words, ‘our old age’. I hardly knew the man. He went on to say we had little time to waste, given our age, and would I be interested in having a June wedding.

I began to laugh, and when I tried to pull myself together, I laughed louder. His face expressed a dumbfounded look often found on blood hounds and beagles when they’re asked to enter a beauty pageant for dogs. I told him about my plans to visit Italy, and to walk the Appalachian Trail, stopping occasionally at a bed and breakfast for respite. I go on to tell him I want to attain enlightenment after I’ve built my own adobe house and, in fact, bought a how-to book on the latter subject. Enlightenment may require further research, given my spiritual beginnings were fraught with a fire and brimstone preacher, who thought touching my budding breasts part of his job description.

My handsome date became indignant and told me I needed to consider the amount of fortitude such undertakings would require. He said most people would be happy easing through life in their retirement, and that I might possibly suffer from delusions. Of course, I knew I wasn’t most people. I had already bought some land in the desert, booked my trip to Italy, and found a guru to help me navigate the higher realms where I would spend eternity. Meanwhile, I visit a gym three days a week and work with a personal trainer, while enjoying dreams soon to become my reality.

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