The dog grapevine allows me to talk endlessly to my dog buddies but disappoints me some knowing my Kahu can’t understand a word I’m saying, especially since I got this notion about wanting a prefix before my name instead of always being introduced as ‘this is my dog Bernard’. Mastiff Bernard sounds more dignified and commands some respect even from humans who think I’m too big to take up space on the sidewalk.

If I could use a laptop, it would solve all our communication problems. I realize it’s a silly notion and my paws are too big for a keyboard but watching his fingers fly from one side to the other causing an impressive page of words to appear on the screen fills me with envy. I need to talk to someone about my penchant for grandiosity but then sometimes I think it’s a normal inclination for a dog to want his human hanging on his every word instead of tossing out the questions requiring us to wag our tail in the affirmative or growl if we’re not predisposed to eating a skinny diet. This reminds me, Carrie’s food samples arrived today which prompts a multitude of questions over what to try first and should we mix it with rice or eat some al la carte? Mostly, Kahu worries my stomach will reject adding fish to my diet since Saturday’s visit with my gourmand girlfriend Bella was such a failure, nearly killing Yours Truly after following her into the pantry and succumbing to the throes of overindulgence.

My tail wags fast and furious with the glee of a happy whale swimming in an ocean brimming with plankton. He steps into my shine and pours two extra tablespoons on a bowl of rice and vegetables. Smells like salmon. He sets the bowl on my placemat and perches on his haunches watching me polish off the good stuff this boy has been deprived of since a vegan found him too irresistible to leave at the Mastiff Rescue Facility. I thank the Divine Dog every day for my good fortune and apparently the One himself heard my gratitude and decided to award me with a well-rounded meal befitting my station in life. When I finish, I lean on my Kahu nearly knocking him over while licking the side of his face causing him to burst into laughter and throw an arm around my neck for balance.

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